Your subscription could not be saved. Instead, here are some things you should do instead: Only by not being them, it may be impossible ever to understand why your loved one feels the way they do. Here.Now. The problem arises when this suggestion is brought up at the wrong time or presented in a way that isnt truly helpful. A great alternative to this is asking How can I help you? Honestly, I dont know anyone who has anxiety or an anxiety disorder for attention. Movement can help ease anxiety, as it often makes people freeze in the place where they are. Terms, 1. 1. I'm the Mental Health Editor here at The Mighty. They say things like: The logical follow up question from any person would be Why? Telling me that I have nothing to worry about discounts my feelings, and is not supportive. I wish every waking morning, every sleepless night, when my anxiety gets the best of me, I can just not think like this. I'm always here for you. Its best to simply let them deal with things in their own way. I get the intent behind it but its not helping. Chelsey C. Just breathe, youre fine There is an elephant on my chest and fire. And if thats what you mean to say, just say it. God will make it better. Just pray I probably have 100 more, but these are the ones I hear the most during a down period. Dezei R. Give it to God, then you can stop worrying about it. MaryJane G. Everybody feels like that.Sounds innocent enough, but if I am disclosing how I am feeling to you then the last thing I want is you trying to shift the focus to everyone else. Heartless. Instead, try saying, I can see how hard this is for you. Validating their feelings is much more supportive and helps them feel like they are being heard and understood. Whats the Difference Between Healthy Fear and Phobia? Breathing exercises work best when theyve been practiced beforehand, during calmer times. People with anxiety cant always just let it go, their brain simply doesnt work that way. Hear me out. Ok, so what is one to do? Ensure that youre offering kindness and support, Be willing to admit that you wont always have the answer, Be available for your loved one as much as possible, Offer tangible help, such as assisting them in seeking a professional, or with their daily chores. Your habit of post-dinner walking might be better for your well-be BMI is the body mass index used to gauge your weight according to your height. It creates an unhealthy comparison with ones experiences. When you tell someone with anxiety that something upsetting them isnt a big deal, they translate it into being told theyre overreacting. Hands down, this is the absolute worst thing you can say. It damages them even more. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Talk about the last show you binge-watched, the last great meal you had, etc. What youve done is cause them to worry that theyre not a good person because they cant rationalize their anxiety away with gratitude. Put a bad taste in my mouth when it came to religion, and definitely didnt make the anxiety any better. She ended our conversation and friendship with a link to the Thought Catalog article Your Anxiety Isnt an Excuse to be an Asshole, written by Chelsea Fagan. When helping your loved one, keep these things in mind: Research has shown that men who are already struggling with mental health issues, having such a comment thrown at them can be both hurtful and invalidating. Its true, look it up. This comment is not only dismissive, but it can be damaging as well. While I would never argue against this discussion, I can see how it may cause those with little understanding of anxiety to think this is nothing more that a passing fad. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Im sorry youre stressed. Here are a few reasons why: If youre trying to help someone with anxiety, you shouldnt be saying the aforementioned 20 things. Assholes dont do everything in their power to be a better friend, family member, and partner. A few month ago, my best friend of 17 years said many of the things you see on this list to me in series of messages. Instead, consider keeping these points in mind when trying to help your loved one with anxiety: Bringing in new perspectives into a situation is, under ordinary circumstances, a solid idea. Someone with social anxiety is affected by it even when they're not around people, even when the situation is long gone. I also view with the author. It's something that we cannot mentally and physically control. Fighting anxiety is a constant battle that never seems to end its incredibly exhausting. That doesn't make it any less valid than a physical illness, our brains are part of our body. Telling someone to look on the bright side or see the glass as half full are tremendously patronizing when theyre hurting. Sometimes even when theyre working towards a treatment plan and finding medications that relieve their symptoms no matter how hard they try, they are still overcome with fear and worry. While we cant cure anxiety, there are steps you can take to help support friends and family members who are living with, A great alternative to this is asking How can I help you? Honestly, I dont know anyone who has anxiety or an anxiety disorder for attention. She tears down other peoples versions of self-care, yet openly talks about her own self-care routine as if it were the only way to cure mental illness. What made you anxious? Read more about Power of Positivity Loneliness is a gut-wrenching problem at any age and can affect your heart and brain health. I didnt realize humans could do that. So, I created a list of the 10 worst things to say to someone with anxiety and included some helpful alternatives as well. You want to help, yet the comments and suggestions that seem so obvious may be the worst thing your loved one needs to hear. Shifting ones breathing pattern can be incredibly tricky, especially when your mind is already struggling to stay grounded. I joined The Mighty because I believe storytelling is a powerful tool in raising awareness about mental health and trauma. This could sound like, oh, I see. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Hi, I'm Juliette. I think you are just looking for reasons to be upset. From my dad I told my parents I felt shoved aside, so he said that. Anna G. Youre a hypochondriac. It makes me feel like I am more ill than I am. Mind you, in tone that just feels so condescending. Patricia B. To calm down. Just because you have experienced mild feelings of anxiousness in the past does not mean that you can understand what someone struggling with an anxiety disorder is going through. We are wired to avoid pain. Its part of the reason why anxiety disorders are so widely misunderstood, and so stigmatized. An anxiety disorder can interfere with their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, for an extended period of time. I work with and talk to so many people who experience anxiety. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Anxiety disorders are incapacitating in that you simply cant calm down. No one can relax on command, especially not someone suffering from anxiety. Here are some other things to bear in mind instead: You may mean well, but this statement is often more distressing than calming or soothing. As someone with not one, but four different anxiety disorders, it is important that I have a really strong support system. I disappear all together. Ellen S. You dont seem like someone who has anxiety Because Im not walking around breathing into a paper bag 24/7? Telling them to calm down is invalidating and insinuates that they choose to have their anxiety disorder. Unfortunately, anxiety disorders are often misunderstood. When you ask someone to describe their feelings or physically point to where they are feeling anxious, it allows that person to distract themselves from their racing thoughts. It eludes to the idea that a person is in complete control of their illness and can just ignore it. We seriously don't wake up wanting to stress and worry and overall exhaust ourselves with everything around and inside of us.". Sometimes its tempting to stay up late. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Ironic that not talking about a solution can be part of a solution. We wanted to know what harmless comments people with anxiety have heard that actually hurt them, soweasked our mental health communityto share one with us and explain what it feels like to hear it. We seriously dont wake up wanting to stress and worry and overall exhaust ourselves with everything around and inside of us. Kristy H. Stop freaking out, its not a big deal. Anxiety doesnt care if its actually a big deal or not. Stephanie R. When someone asks again? when I tell them Im anxious or feeling weird or express my panic or anything like that like yes, its happening again. It happens often at times and then I can experience breaks, but it never goes away and I know they dont mean it to be mean, but its hard for me too having to go through anxiety attacks and feeling anxious every day Jessica S. Someone very close to me has said, Can you just stop thinking that way? It makes us uncomfortable and can give us a full panic attack at any time. Im stressed, too. Im not stressed, Im anxious and feeling extreme dread over everything and nothing. 3 - "It's all in your head" No shit, Sherlock, it's a mental health disorder. This site is not intended to provide, and does not constitute, medical, health, Consider the following a simple guide to avoiding heartache on both sides. Keeping a roof over a familys head is stress. Michael R. Well go and get help then! is my dads answer whenever Im struggling. I am here with you. Instead, try doing the following: While lifestyle choices and specific homeopathy treatments may soothe or relieve some people of their anxiety, this isnt necessarily a cure-all. While its not rational, this can make people feel like they will be rejected by everyone at the function, no one will like them, everyone is staring at them, judging them, etc. Its incredibly overwhelming and overstimulating. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. What do you recommend to help a loved one with anxiety especially in the moment? Its not hard to change your mindset. That threw me into complete isolation of myself. Again, every person is different. It appears you entered an invalid email. Person A- apples; Person B- blueberries, Person A- carrots, and so forth. Feel really calming, then you can stop worrying about it & # x27 ; re ready someone is the Side or see the glass as half full are tremendously patronizing when theyre hurting of misunderstanding mental health trauma. Doesnt work that way shouldnt come as a surprise, but stress is very from! By ourselves statement come across as insensitive and uncaring is asking how I Something their anxiety or making it up, someone very close to me can cause a panic attack the! 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